And on the fourth day...

So, we have reached the fourth pink day! I wore my glee shirt today.

That brings me to my topic of the day: Glee. Well, not really.

The show Glee consists of many superficial themes, but it is mostly about ensemble. In Glee, some people are featured while others mainly hold a background role. One of the leads, Rachel, is almost always the center of attention and when she isn't, it is difficult for her to cope with letting others shine. Today I find myself in the same situation.

I am currently appearing in Children of Eden at Ashland Productions. I love the cast and I am having a blast working with them. But, sometimes I feel a little left out. Since I'm new to this theatre, I didn't know a lot of people at first and many of the people my age already knew each other and had cliques that they would hang out with.

I am in the ensemble (there are about 30 people in the ensemble). There are a lot of featured dancers, but I am not one of them. There are a few solos, but I did not earn one. I do get to say a short line (which I am very excited about!). But sometimes it feels as if I don't do a lot in the show. I know that every person in a show is essential: I often preach this to the middle schoolers I work with. However, I sometimes find it difficult to actually put this thought into action. Tonight was one of those nights.

Solos were being assigned and I didn't get one. It's not that I deserve a solo more than anyone else, but I don't feel as if I performed my best at the solo auditions last week, so that is frustrating for me. I am so happy for the people who got the solos. They will do well and they deserved them. But, that doesn't mean it doesn't sting a little.

It's also frustrating that of the four young women called back for Yonah (a supporting character in the show), I am the only one without an actual character and a large solo. It makes me feel as though I was mistakingly called back and that I wasn't actually considered at the same level as these women. It should be clear though, that these women are infinitely talented. They all deserved their parts, but the green monster of jealousy does live inside of me.

I am sorry to complain. I just really needed to be honest; with myself and with you. As I grow to be more mature, I feel I will handle these emotions in a better way. But, for now, I will rely on introspection and self-reflection to help me understand my emotions more thoroughly and to become a better person and performer.

This show, so far, has been a great learning experience for me. It's taught me about being part of an ensemble. In my opinion, the most important thing to do when you are part of an ensemble is to go "all-out" on whatever you've been assigned to do. For example, don't just move the block, MOVE THE BLOCK. Do everything with a purpose and with commitment.

I am doing my best.

Kate